Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who died my cat blue again?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
