I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
