I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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