absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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