Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
