I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont even know how to be here
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
