you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
