"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just tell him i said nine months
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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