There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
