i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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