Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
