If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
