I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
