So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Life is so much better after having sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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