I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
