john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize