My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
