apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
