are you still at the devil's house?
kristin has been a bad kristin
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
