This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
