honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
