It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
