Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
