Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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