I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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