I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
