Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
