my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
