Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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