There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
