Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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