From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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