Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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