I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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