I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
