During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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