Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
