Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
