I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize