If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
