Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
