listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
