I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
