i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
