i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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