im drinking this country out of the recession.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
