we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
