i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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