I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
