Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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