The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize