So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
