Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
