so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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