I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
