i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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