Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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