i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
do nipples grow back?
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