So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
