so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
