Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
