I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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