I think I am morally bankrupt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
