it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize