i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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