If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
