Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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