Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
