I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
