My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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