yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
