I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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