He is like the real live version of the state fair..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
