Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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