That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
