My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
