Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
