Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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