Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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