he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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