well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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