All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
