How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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