I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's shark week go big or go home
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