He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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