Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
